If you're someone who worries about keeping everyone happy at Christmas, I see your efforts. This time of year brings a mix of festive pressure and family expectations that, when combined, can leave you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and quietly exhausted.
I get it - you want it to be special for the people you love (and tolerate!), and you’ll go to great lengths to make that happen: food shops, wrapping presents, decorating, organising the family’s routine - you want all bases covered, even if that leaves you last on Santa’s list.
Come New Year, you’re exhausted and maybe even disappointed that everyone else seems to experience the magic… except you.
But what if this year things could be different?
In this guide, we’ll look at how to:
Manage Christmas anxiety and expectations in real time
Set gentle boundaries without guilt
Stop feeling responsible for everyone else’s mood
Reduce overwhelm during family dynamics
Feel calmer so you can feel festive too
1. Give Yourself Time to Reset
When we actively make time to slow down, our nervous system responds. Slowing down promotes a feeling of safety in the brain, which helps soothe anxiety.
If you can’t give yourself a full morning, give yourself five minutes before the “show” begins. Then look for moments throughout the day to pause and take short breaks.
This might look like:
taking your time getting dressed
drinking your morning coffee without distraction
opening a window for fresh air
taking in slow, deep breaths as you feel the sun on your face
These tiny pauses help “wipe the slate clean” before you transition into your next task, so your brain doesn’t become overwhelmed.
2. Use Grounding Techniques During Overwhelm
If a moment of overwhelm hits, try this simple 30-second grounding pause:
Inhale through your nose.
Exhale slowly through your mouth, making the exhale slightly longer.
Feel both feet on the ground - notice the texture of your socks, the pressure of your toes in your shoes.
Find five things of the same colour in the room.
Soften your jaw, release your tongue from the roof of your mouth, and lower your shoulders.
Exercises like this bring you back into your body and out of your head.
3. Reduce Emotional Labour Where You Can
Ask yourself:
“Am I doing this because I genuinely want to… or because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?”
You do not have to:
buy the perfect gifts
keep every conversation flowing
smooth over family tension
host everything
make Christmas magical for everyone
This might be hard to hear, especially if people have praised you for doing these things in the past. You may feel it’s your responsibility.
If I could say one thing here: you care about the people you love. That is not a bad thing. And if someone you cared about felt this pressure, I’m sure you’d offer them kindness. Perhaps you can offer some of that same kindness to yourself? If that feels like too much, what's the smallest amount of kindness you can offer to yourself this season? Then build from there.
Feelings like this can be difficult to untangle alone, and this is where counselling can be helpful. I support clients who feel exactly this pressure.
4. Give Yourself Permission Not to Be “On” All the Time
Before entering a gathering, and again when you notice yourself over-extending, try saying:
“I am not responsible for managing everyone’s emotions. I’m allowed to participate without performing.”
Then actively step back. This might look like:
physically leaning back in your chair
giving your eyes a break from eye contact
looking out of a window
taking a quick breather in the bathroom or stepping outside
letting others lead the conversation for a while
You can still be present without taking on the emotional responsibility of hosting the entire room.
5. Choose Your Energy Spend Intentionally
Our energy is a limited resource. When you add anxiety and people-pleasing to the mix, your energy is already discounted.
Try this mini-rule:
One thing you want to do, one thing you need to do, and one thing you’re allowed to skip.
This stops the festive season becoming a marathon of obligations.
If Christmas anxiety or people-pleasing feels difficult to manage, counselling can support you in understanding these patterns and setting boundaries that feel safe and sustainable.
You’re welcome to reach out if you’d like to explore counselling support this Christmas.