Today, I turned 30.

And as a Therapist, I’ve found myself thinking about what that means.

There’s a lot of pressure around turning 30. I hear it often from my clients too. I think most of us know the picture we’re quietly sold: by this age, you’re supposed to know who you are, have a solid career, own a home, be married, have children, and generally have your life figured out.

And if you don’t?

Gosh. It can be very easy to wonder, how did it all go wrong?

I’m a Therapist, but that doesn’t make me immune to the fears and uncertainties that come with getting older. I’ve noticed the grey hairs appearing and the little lines around my eyes, and I can’t pretend that doesn’t make me feel a little anxious. Time is moving on, and I have some visual reminders now, never mind the feelings attached to physically getting older too…

Even I need to remind myself to take a few deep breaths.

But with all the doubt circulating, there are things I do know.

I know that I love being a Therapist.

I know that I genuinely enjoy the work I do and feel incredibly grateful that I get to sit alongside people as they make sense of themselves and their experiences. I know this is something I want to continue doing.

It’s the other parts of life that I’m still figuring out.

Sometimes I look at other people in their 30s and think they’ve found their path. They seem so certain of themselves, while I’m still trying things, changing my mind and figuring out what fits.

But I know, as a Therapist, that we rarely see the whole picture of someone else’s life. We see the outside: what people choose to represent, as well as our own filter on top.

Anyone remember the blue or white dress meme?

But it can be natural to be swept up in our image of things. Personally, how could you not see the dress was white and gold? Duh!

So, it’s important that I offer compassion towards myself when this happens, just as I encourage my clients to do the same for themselves.

But keeping the focus back on you, as a 30-year-old:

It’s okay not to know what you want.

It’s okay to experiment.

It’s okay to change direction if something isn’t working.

It’s okay to learn.

Your life is your journey, no one else’s.

Discovering that I’m Autistic

A particular chapter of my 30s so far has been discovering that I’m Autistic.

Receiving my autism diagnosis at this age has helped me understand so much about the way I experience the world, my energy, my relationships and my capacity.

Though it also brought grief for the time I walked before, moving forward, I have much more compassion towards myself.

I’m learning to work with my autism for the first time, rather than constantly trying to work against it, and the change has been invaluable.

That hasn’t happened overnight, mind you.

It has been trial and error, sometimes more error than trial!

Learning what my body and nervous system are telling me. Understanding my limits. Finding ways of doing things that actually work for me, rather than forcing myself to fit into ways of functioning that leave me exhausted.

It’s all been a learning curve.

And perhaps this helps me have a deeper understanding of what it can be like for my clients who are at the beginning of their own journey of understanding themselves.

I’m still learning about what my autism looks like for me. But I can honestly say that, since understanding that I’m autistic, I have been in one of the best places I’ve ever been.

Not because everything suddenly became easy.

But because I stopped seeing myself as the problem.

There was never something fundamentally wrong with me that I needed to fix.

I was learning about myself.

And perhaps that is one of the biggest things I’ve taken into my work as a Therapist.

What if there’s another way?

So many of us spend years believing that we are too sensitive, too emotional, too much, not enough, lazy, difficult, behind, or somehow failing at being a person.

What if, instead of pushing ourselves even harder into the ground, there’s another way?

What if understanding ourselves, with compassion and support, could lead to a life where we’re not constantly on the edge of our seat?

What if, instead, we could celebrate our strengths, know our limits without judgement and feel more at home within ourselves?

That’s what I’m working on within myself, and what I support my clients with too.

Turning 30 hasn’t magically made me feel like an adult.

I still get anxious. I still feel unsure. I still change my mind. I still have days where I have no idea what I’m doing.

But I feel like that’s okay.

Just maybe, that’s what makes our celebrations richer? Our efforts feel justified and our sleep good at night?

Because we’re on the journey.

The journey of discovering who we are, at any age, and at any pace.

I carry my younger self with me too: the parts of me that were frightened, uncertain or trying very hard to get things right.

I think she would be proud of where we are now.

So, if I have a wish for this next year, it’s that I continue to meet myself with compassion.

To keep learning who I am.

To keep finding ways of working with myself, rather than against myself.

And to keep creating that same space for my clients.

Because you don’t have to have everything figured out.

You’re allowed to still be becoming.