What to do when a small mistake feels like a big disaster

“We all make mistakes” is a commonly used phrase - but for some of us, it doesn’t ring true. Because if everyone made mistakes and it really was okay, why does it feel so awful when you make one?

You know the feeling:
A sudden jolt of panic.
Your heart sinks.
Your breath quickens.
Your brain spirals through worst-case scenarios:

• My colleagues already have too much on their plates. Now they have to deal with my mistake. They’re going to hate me.
• This is such a stupid error. Maybe everyone will realise I’m not actually good at my job.
• What if my boss is done with my slip-ups and fires me?

These thoughts can come rapidly, no matter how big or small the mistake actually is. And if you struggle with Perfectionism, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) or Imposter Syndrome, the anxiety can feel completely overwhelming.

Why Do Some People Struggle So Much with Mistakes?

The truth is, if your nervous system learned early on that making mistakes led to criticism, rejection, or punishment - whether from a parent, teacher, or former employer - it now sees errors as danger.

This can lead to disproportionate anxiety over even minor slip-ups, sometimes resulting in:

• Panic attacks
• Crying in the office bathroom
• Avoidance behaviours like procrastination or job-hopping
• Over-working to avoid future mistakes (which often leads to burnout)

Step 1: Help Your Body Feel Safe Before You Respond

The first step isn’t to fix the mistake - it’s to regulate your nervous system.
I know – a voice inside you is telling you there is no time and you need to move quick. But acting whilst anxiety is in the driving seat won’t help, in fact it’ll increase your chances for more errors, over-apologising or rushing decisions that you later regret.

So unless someone’s life is in danger, you can tell that voice it can wait five minutes while you calm your body down.

Try this grounding technique:

• Breathe slowly and deeply. Focus on pushing your stomach out as you inhale to breathe from your belly rather than your chest.
• Move or look around. If you can, step away from your desk or glance out the window.
• Use your senses.
  • Feel the warmth of your coffee cup.
  • Notice the steam, the swirls in the milk.
  • Count how many blue items you can see.
  • Listen - what sounds are inside the room vs outside?
  • Feel your chair beneath you or your feet in your shoes.

Grounding helps your brain shift from panic to presence - creating the space you need to think clearly.

Step 2: Talk to Your Anxious Inner Voice

Once you feel more settled, it’s time to talk to the part of you that’s panicking.
See it as separate from you - like a scared child that needs reassurance, not rejection. This can feel like a strange concept at first, exploring it in therapy can be helpful if you think you’ll struggle to disconnect from your anxious identity.

You can be both anxious and calm. Let the calm version of you take the lead and listen to what that anxious part is afraid of.

Often, the fear isn’t just about the mistake - it’s about what you believe the mistake means.

“I’ve made a mistake and now everyone will hate me.” For example.

Does that sound entirely true now that you’re calmer?

Think about others you’ve worked with. When they made mistakes, did you hate them? Did one mistake erase all the good things they’ve done?

Probably not.

Try responding to yourself with this:

“I recognise that a part of me is afraid others will hate me for this mistake, but I also know that doesn’t necessarily make it true.”

This kind of compassionate self-talk helps rewire your response over time.

Step 3: Take Responsibility (From a Grounded Place)

Once you’ve grounded yourself and spoken kindly to your anxious mind, then it’s time to take action.

Speak to your manager or colleague. Let them know what happened - and be honest about how you're feeling. If your anxiety has completely gone – great! But if it’s still left pieces of it – that’s okay. You can voice that.

For example:

“I made a mistake, I’m really sorry, and I’m feeling a bit anxious about it.”

This kind of transparency often fosters understanding, not judgment. By responding calmly and taking responsibility, you show self-awareness, maturity, and a willingness to learn which others will respect.

When we experience more positive/neutral reactions from others when we make mistakes – this is all helpful to remember so our anxiety can soften over time. Which is why – though it’s hard at first, we must expose ourselves to owning our errors and inviting others like colleagues and bosses to our experience post-mistake. If the thought of that feels too overwhelming – having the support of a Counsellor can be a big help. I help client with this issue all of the time, you can find out more about how I work here.

Step 4: Reflect and Reframe the Experience

After the situation is addressed, take a moment to reflect:

• How did this mistake feel compared to past ones?
• How did others respond to your honesty?
• Did it go as badly as your anxious brain imagined?

This is how you start building new experiences - ones where mistakes don’t result in rejection or punishment, but in growth and support.

The more evidence your brain collects that mistakes are survivable, the more resilient you become.

Final Thoughts: You Can Rewrite the Story

You might have an anxious response because your past taught you that mistakes weren’t safe.

But now, you get to write a new narrative. One where:

• Mistakes are normal
• You don’t need to punish yourself to be better
• You can respond with calm, compassion, and clarity

This is where Counselling can be incredibly helpful. Doing this alone when you have been believing that mistakes are not okay can feel like a lot to unlearn. Having a trained therapist who can support you and help you rewrite your narrative can lead to a happier and calmer life. I help clients with exactly this and would love to support you as well. Contact me today to find out more.

Mistakes are okay – you are okay. I want to help you to believe it too.