Feeling deeply can feel like such a curse sometimes.
For those who don’t get it, they might tell you to “shrug it off” or “just stop taking things so personally” – but we know it’s not that simple.
Let me guess – someone makes a passing comment or gives you an “odd” look, and any of these might follow:
- Your stomach feels like it’s been punched
- Your face flushes red
- Your heart starts pounding
- Your mind either goes blank or floods with thoughts
- You might tear up
- Your voice disappears or goes high-pitched
- Your body stiffens or becomes fidgety
And then people notice, and that sinking feeling sets in:
“They’re judging me.”
“They think I’m weird.”
“They don’t understand me.”
“Why can’t I just be normal?”
Even though you’d love to disappear on the spot, it feels like your reactions take over, dragging you centre stage – which only makes you feel worse.
Then comes the self-talk. The mental replay. The inability to let it go.
Sound familiar?
I promise there’s nothing wrong with you.
There are ways to manage these feelings (without ‘toughening up’), so you can start to feel more in control in the moment and more at peace with yourself.
Why We Take Things So Personally
It’s not because you’re too sensitive – really.
You’re not overreacting or being dramatic – there’s usually a very good reason this kind of thing hits so hard.
If you grew up around a lot of criticism, you probably learnt to listen out for the negative: reading between the lines of people’s expressions, body language, tone of voice… all while assuming the worst. Why? Because if you could just catch what was “wrong” quickly, maybe you had a better chance of fixing it – bypassing the rejection or conflict.
Maybe you learnt that being liked meant being perfect? That making a mistake led to someone pulling away? Maybe it was always down to you to repair things.
So now, even a passing comment or a funny look presses the same internal alarm: you’ve done something wrong, even when you haven’t.
Add low self-esteem into the mix and things feel even more intense.
When we doubt our worth, it’s easy to take every uncomfortable interaction as proof we’re not good enough.
But taking things personally often comes from caring deeply — not from being “too much.” Maybe, once, you had to shrink yourself to keep the peace. But you don’t have to do that anymore.
So, What Can You Try Instead?
- Pause and Check In With Yourself
Being with your feelings, rather than pushing them down, helps them move through more easily:
- What emotion just came up? Try naming it – give it a title, a texture, even a colour.
- What did I just assume?
- Reality Check (vs. Story Check)
Ask yourself:
- Is this fact or Anxiety talking?
- What else could be true here?
- Am I emotional filtering or mind-reading right now? (More on that in my other blogs.)
- Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Blame
- If you notice yourself slipping into self-blame, say: “I’m noticing I really want to talk badly to myself right now.” The word noticing helps create distance between you and the thought.
- Speak to yourself like you would a friend – gently and kindly.
- Try this: “It makes sense that hurt – but I can let it go, because it’s probably not about me.”
- Is This Actually About Them — Not You?
Not everyone’s reaction is a reflects who you are, or what you’ve done.
This one’s tough, I know. I write more about it in depth [here].
- People have complicated lives, just like you. Sometimes, their big feelings bleed into places they don’t mean to – and you might get caught in the splash.
- You can’t control someone else’s emotional regulation (no matter how much you might want to), but you can control how you respond.
Try using go-to phrases to say to yourself in triggering moments, like:
- “Other people’s moods, defensiveness or tone are often about their own stuff – not me.”
- “I am not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.”
- “If I’ve upset someone, it’s their job to tell me.”
Let others be responsible for their own feelings. It’s not your burden to carry.
A Note for Sensitive Souls
If you feel things deeply, it’s not a weakness – it’s part of what makes you kind, thoughtful, and intuitive.
I’m sure there are people in your life who appreciate those parts of you – you can appreciate them too. You don’t have to ‘harden up’ or carry the weight of everyone else’s feelings to protect yourself.
You deserve to feel lighter in your day-to-day life, and to recognise how much goodness your sensitivity brings.
Closing & Gentle Next Step
Next time you notice yourself taking something personally, pause and ask:
“Is this really about me?”
And if this feels like a lot to hold on your own – I support sensitive clients just like you to find balance, strength, and self-trust in everyday life, so taking things personally can become a thing of the past. If you’re ready for deeper support, I’d love to help – feel free to reach out or explore the rest of my blogs where I share tips on sensitive living.
Lastly – from one sensitive bean to another – we’ve got this.