“You are Autistic.”

I leapt from my chair. Something heavy fell from my chest to my stomach – something I had no idea I had been holding. I can only describe it as though I had been floating in space, and suddenly, I crashed into the earth. Tears knocked behind my eyes.

Do you know what I said next?

“Are you sure though?”

Naturally, I doubted it. I’ve learnt to second-guess myself. Thoughts came rushing in:

What if I’ve faked it? Autism is often in the news these days – what if I’ve learnt the traits and acted them out? What if I wanted this so much, I’ve somehow fooled them all?

Many late diagnosed autistic adults know this feeling well. Years of masking autism can leave you questioning your own reality.

Let’s be honest – most of us are great maskers. It’s not too hard a stretch to think we’ve even masked our Autism from ourselves. That’s a scary thing – to mask so much that even when faced with a true aspect of yourself, it feels like another disguise. I just didn’t believe it.

“No, no. You are Autistic. You can read all about it in my report – but you are Autistic.”

But there we were.

I thanked her, hung up the phone, and carefully found my way to the floor. I just needed to feel the ground holding me as my mind started playing a film of my life in my head.

I saw old memories I already knew, but they looked different now. As though they were in colour for the first time. Suddenly, old questions had answers, and old feelings that were once labelled irrational were now perfectly reasonable.

The more I thought, the more puzzle pieces joined together.

Sensory overwhelm. Autistic burnout. School avoidance. Panic attacks. Missed social cues. Exhaustion after conversations. Feeling “too sensitive”. Feeling different without knowing why.

It was all happening so fast I felt my head might explode, as though I was seeing myself clearly for the very first time.

What came next was grief.

I grieved for my younger self, who had spent years feeling broken compared to everyone else. I grieved opportunities and relationships I had missed or unknowingly sabotaged. I felt sadness, anger, relief, confusion, and disappointment all at once – emotions too tangled to fully name.

Because the truth is, so much of that pain might have softened with understanding. If I had known I was Autistic earlier, maybe I would have shown myself more compassion. Maybe others would have understood me too.

And I am just 30 years old – what about you? 20? 40? 50? 60? People think our journey stops with the diagnosis, but instead a new door opens – part of it being the grief for the years spent surviving without answers. Knowing there are others like me out there helps – but it still does not give us yesterday back.

There is time that feels lost, and it can feel unbearably heavy to carry that alone.

As a Counsellor who supports neurodivergent clients, I now sit with many people who are beginning this same journey – people questioning whether they might be Autistic, processing a late diagnosis, or trying to recover from years of masking and burnout.

And honestly? Most of them are not looking for someone to “fix” them.

They are looking for somewhere they no longer have to pretend.

Somewhere they can untangle years of self-doubt, confusion, shame, exhaustion, and grief with someone who genuinely understands how deep those experiences can go.

If you are reading this whilst feeling like you’re different, Autistic or otherwise, I want you to know this:

You are not broken.
You are not failing at being a person.
And you do not have to figure it all out alone.

There is space for you here – exactly as you are. Contact me today to find out more. 

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Please note I am not an emergency service. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or at risk, see services below:

SAMARITIANS: 116 123

Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 for 24/7 confidential support in the UK

Call 999 or contact your local GP/services

When You Feel Too Exhausted to Move: A Gentle Way Through Depression

(Counselling for Depression in Surrey, Haslemere, Guildford & Online)

I remember the irritation I felt when my own Counsellor gently suggested going for a walk to help with my depression.

“She doesn’t get it,” I thought.
“I’m exhausted. Getting out of bed already feels like a marathon – how can I possibly go for a walk?”

If you’re here because you’re struggling and looking for Counselling for depression in Surrey, Haslemere, Guildford, or online, you might recognise this feeling.

That deep, heavy exhaustion.
The sense that even the smallest things feel like too much.

The Catch-22 of Depression and Energy

Depression has a way of slowing everything down.

Your body feels heavy.
Your mind can feel foggy – or painfully overactive.
Even basic tasks can feel overwhelming.

And yet, you may have heard that movement helps depression.

Which can leave you stuck with a frustrating question:

How am I supposed to move when I can barely function?

This is something I hold very gently in my work as a counsellor offering support for depression in Surrey, Haslemere, Guildford and online – because it’s not just about what helps, but how we get there. Reach out today.

When Even a Walk Feels Like Too Much

I remember that feeling in my own body so clearly.

Like being covered in cement.
Like every movement took effort.
Like even thinking about doing something was exhausting.

At the same time, my mind would swing between:

• brain fog – slow, hazy, disconnected
• anxiety – fast, loud, overwhelming

I knew I needed to get out of my head and into my body.

But I had no idea how.

A Gentle Starting Point: Qi Gong

Then one day, through mindless scrolling, I came across something simple: Qi Gong.

A gentle, flowing form of movement.

I watched someone standing on a hillside, slowly moving their arms, shifting their weight, swaying slightly. It looked calm. Soft. Doable.

No pressure.
No intensity.
No “push yourself”.

And something in me said:

“I can do that.”

So I tried.

What I Noticed (And Why It Matters)

The movements were so gentle they didn’t overwhelm me.

Instead, something began to soften.

My mind quietened.
My body felt less rigid.
My thoughts started to flow rather than feel stuck.

It felt like something inside me was slowly loosening.

Even when my mood only shifted slightly – from very low to neutral – that shift mattered.

It gave me just enough energy for the next step.

Sometimes, that next step was simply getting through the day.
Sometimes, it was going for a walk.

A Bridge, Not a Pressure

What I’ve come to understand – both through my own experience and through working with clients – is this:

When you’re living with depression, jumping straight into “exercise” can feel impossible.

But gentle movement can become a bridge.

A bridge between:

• feeling frozen and beginning to move
• feeling overwhelmed and finding a little calm
• feeling stuck and discovering even a small sense of possibility

This is something I often explore with clients looking for counselling for depression in Guildford, Haslemere, Surrey or online – because healing doesn’t come from forcing yourself, but from finding what feels possible. Reach out today.

How I Work With Depression

In my counselling work, I don’t expect you to suddenly feel motivated or “better”.

We go at your pace.

We start where you are.

And together, we gently explore what might help – whether that’s:

• understanding what your depression is holding
• finding ways to work with low energy, not against it
• introducing small, manageable practices like gentle movement

For some, Qi Gong becomes a helpful starting point. For others, it’s something different.

There’s no one-size-fits-all.

What matters is that it feels supportive and not overwhelming.

If You’re Looking for Counselling for Depression

If you’re feeling stuck, exhausted, or lost in depression – you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

I offer counselling for depression in:

• Haslemere
• Guildford
• Surrey and online

So wherever you are, support can be accessible to you.

We can start gently.
We can go at your pace.
We can begin to soften that feeling of being stuck- together. Reach out today.

 

P.S If you’re curious to try Qi-Gong yourself, here’s a 5minute video to get you started:

Release TENSIONS, STRESS, and ANXIETY | 5-Min Qigong for Beginners: Cleansing Breath

 

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Please note I am not an emergency service. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or at risk, see services below:

SAMARITIANS: 116 123

Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 for 24/7 confidential support in the UK

Call 999 or contact your local GP/services

Last week, I could feel a cold peeking around the corner.
You know those people who get ill but somehow keep going? Like their cold is just a tiny bird on their shoulder – there, fluttering, but not enough to stop them?
I have never been one of those people.

In the past, a cold would wipe me out for two whole weeks. Eyes barely open, every breath heavy, nose raw, body aching. I’d be miserable. And yes, I’ve heard the comments: “It’s just a cold – it’s not that bad.”
The guilt would rush in. I’d question myself. Why can’t I just push through this?
But my body always had other ideas.

It took me years to understand how much mental health affects physical health. When your nervous system is already worn down from depression, anxiety or trauma, even a small virus can feel like the final straw. Everything gives way.

There’s a saying that “depressed” can also mean “deep rest”- the body finally saying, enough, we can’t cope, we need to stop.
But we usually don’t stop. We fight, because there are bills, children, jobs, responsibilities. Rest feels impossible.

Things only shifted for me when I stopped fighting and actually sat with my depression:
“Okay… what are you trying to tell me? I’m listening.”
Therapy helped me understand my triggers, the story behind my depression, and just how long my body had been white-knuckling through life.

I also grew up in a home where rest wasn’t okay. Maybe you know that feeling – eyes watching you the moment you sit down, followed by comments like:
“What have you even done today?”
“Did you do x yet?”
Rest was something to be earned, never a right. When you’re already struggling to get dressed or eat breakfast, those comments land like a final blow.

So when clients tell me they feel guilty for not “doing enough,” I understand deeply – because I’ve lived it.

It wasn’t until I tuned out the noise around me and listened to myself that things softened. I began to hear quieter thoughts:
“A short walk might feel good.”
“This meal is actually nice.”
“I think I want a shower.”
Slow, gentle, pressure-free. Step by step, my body learned to trust me again.

And yes – our bodies trusting us is a strange idea. But from research, lived experience, and years with clients, I believe depression is often an accumulation of unfelt feelings. When we give them space, they release a little at a time -like drawing water from a well.

Eventually, my body gave back. The day I could get out of bed without racing thoughts holding me down, I celebrated.

So when my cold arrived last week, I sighed -annoyed, human- but then remembered everything I’d learned. I listened. I slept for two days, ate nourishing food, drank ginger tea.
By the end of the week I had a small cough, but also something I’d never had after a cold: energy, clarity, and genuine excitement.

It felt important to share that link.

To summarise: listening to our bodies really does loosen their grip – whether it’s a cold or depression. But facing depression alone can feel overwhelming. That’s where I come in. As someone who has been there, and as a trained Counsellor, I can walk with you as we gently lower that bucket into the well and pour it out together.

Reach out today if you’d like support.

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Please note I am not an emergency service. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or at risk, see services below:

SAMARITIANS: 116 123

Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 for 24/7 confidential support in the UK

Call 999 or contact your local GP/services

Is Counselling Confidential? A Surrey Counsellor Explains (with a Sprinkle of Fantasy)

If you’re seeking counselling in Surrey and wondering, “Is counselling actually confidential?” – you’re asking a completely valid and important question. Honestly, it makes total sense. Coming to your first counselling session can feel like entering a mysterious new realm: you might feel nervous, unsure, maybe even carrying emotional armour you’ve built over years. Sharing your story can feel tough, and naturally you’d want to know what your Counsellor does with the things you tell them.

In this blog, I’ll explain how confidentiality works in my practice here in Haslemere and Guildford, Surrey – so if you decide to work with me, you’ll know exactly what to expect. And because life is serious enough already, let’s add a gentle thread of fantasy along the way (since I am a LOTR nerd).

The Beginning of the Journey: Contacting Your Counsellor

Once upon a time, a client (perhaps you?) sends a message asking for their first session. They seek help with something important, and I – your Counsellor – am determined to offer the best support possible as we begin this quest together.

Before we set out, we read through the Therapy Scrolls together (otherwise known as my counselling contract). This enchanted document outlines what we can expect from each other on the journey: things like session structure, cancellations, contact between sessions, and of course – confidentiality.

Once everything is clear, we both sign our names on the parchment and begin.

So… What Happens to What You Tell Me?

As our sessions unfold, I write brief, factual progress notes. These aren’t formal clinical tomes, but small written reminders of what we spoke about, alongside a few observations I make as a practitioner. Think of them like clues I jot down while walking through the forest with you – helpful landmarks so I don’t lose sight of important themes.

Sometimes this includes psycho-jargon (I’ll spare you the spellbook glossary), like attachment patterns or defence mechanisms – things I track quietly in the background so you can focus fully on your story. Slowly, I’ll bring these patterns to your attention – gently shining a lantern on a blind spot – while still letting you lead at your own pace.

Where Are These Notes Kept?

Your notes are stored securely in my home, guarded like secret scrolls in a locked chest. You’re also given a codename (very Bond-meets-Middle-Earth) to keep you further anonymised. No one sees these notes but me.

I keep them safely for around four years (in case you return for future quests), and then they’re destroyed.

The Wizards Behind the Scenes: Supervision

Now, here’s where the fantasy theme becomes absolutely real:
I take your encrypted scrolls once a month to my Supervisor – a fellow therapist who, for the sake of this tale, is very much a wise wizard of the therapeutic realm.

Together, we sit at our metaphorical round table and review how the work is unfolding. We brainstorm routes worth exploring, possible spell-paths to revisit, and ways I can support you even more effectively. My supervisor helps ensure I’m working at my best, pointing out anything I may have missed or highlighting where things are going well.

And the enchantment doesn’t stop there – my supervisor has her own supervisor (another wizard!), whose job is to ensure she is guiding me correctly.

All Therapists have a supervisor – it’s part of our ethical practice and ultimately benefits you. After all, just like you’d expect your mechanic to know cars and your personal trainer to stay fit, it only makes sense that therapists keep developing their skills too.

Peer Supervision: The Council of Fellow Travellers

Once a month, I also meet with a small group of therapist colleagues – a kind of therapeutic adventurers’ guild. We share wisdom, compare notes, and highlight things each of us might have overlooked.

In both supervision and peer supervision, I never reveal your full name or identifiable details. We only discuss the work itself – nothing personal that would point to you. It’s about ensuring I am doing my best for you.

So Is Counselling Confidential?

Yes – completely, except in very rare situations.
Beyond supervision (which is anonymous and ethical), no one hears about our work together. I don’t discuss it with family, friends, or anyone outside those professional circles.

The only time I may have to break confidentiality is if I believe you’re at risk of serious harm and need emergency support – and even then, whenever possible, I’ll talk to you about this first. This may involve speaking to your GP or relevant support services, but this is extremely rare and always handled with care.

Final Thoughts

I hope this has lifted some of the mystery around confidentiality in counselling – especially if you’re considering therapy in Haslemere and Guildford, Surrey or online and want to know your information is safe. It’s absolutely not a silly question. In fact, I welcome questions that help you feel more at ease as we begin this journey together.

If counselling is something you’re thinking about, feel free to get in touch.
I’m here, scroll in hand, whenever you’re ready to begin your story.

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Please note I am not an emergency service. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or at risk, see services below:

SAMARITIANS: 116 123

Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 for 24/7 confidential support in the UK

Call 999 or contact your local GP/services

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re someone who worries about keeping everyone happy at Christmas, I see your efforts. This time of year brings a mix of festive pressure and family expectations that, when combined, can leave you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and quietly exhausted.

I get it – you want it to be special for the people you love (and tolerate!), and you’ll go to great lengths to make that happen: food shops, wrapping presents, decorating, organising the family’s routine – you want all bases covered, even if that leaves you last on Santa’s list.

Come New Year, you’re exhausted and maybe even disappointed that everyone else seems to experience the magic… except you.

But what if this year things could be different?

In this guide, we’ll look at how to:

• Manage Christmas anxiety and expectations in real time

• Set gentle boundaries without guilt

• Stop feeling responsible for everyone else’s mood

• Reduce overwhelm during family dynamics

• Feel calmer so you can feel festive too

1. Give Yourself Time to Reset

When we actively make time to slow down, our nervous system responds. Slowing down promotes a feeling of safety in the brain, which helps soothe anxiety.

If you can’t give yourself a full morning, give yourself five minutes before the “show” begins. Then look for moments throughout the day to pause and take short breaks.

This might look like:

• taking your time getting dressed

• drinking your morning coffee without distraction

• opening a window for fresh air

• taking in slow, deep breaths as you feel the sun on your face

These tiny pauses help “wipe the slate clean” before you transition into your next task, so your brain doesn’t become overwhelmed.

2. Use Grounding Techniques During Overwhelm

If a moment of overwhelm hits, try this simple 30-second grounding pause:

1. Inhale through your nose.

2. Exhale slowly through your mouth, making the exhale slightly longer.

3. Feel both feet on the ground – notice the texture of your socks, the pressure of your toes in your shoes.

4. Find five things of the same colour in the room.

5. Soften your jaw, release your tongue from the roof of your mouth, and lower your shoulders.

Exercises like this bring you back into your body and out of your head.

3. Reduce Emotional Labour Where You Can

Ask yourself:

“Am I doing this because I genuinely want to… or because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?”

You do not have to:

• buy the perfect gifts

• keep every conversation flowing

• smooth over family tension

• host everything

• make Christmas magical for everyone

This might be hard to hear, especially if people have praised you for doing these things in the past. You may feel it’s your responsibility.

If I could say one thing here: you care about the people you love. That is not a bad thing. And if someone you cared about felt this pressure, I’m sure you’d offer them kindness. Perhaps you can offer some of that same kindness to yourself? If that feels like too much, what’s the smallest amount of kindness you can offer to yourself this season? Then build from there.

Feelings like this can be difficult to untangle alone, and this is where counselling can be helpful. I support clients who feel this.

4. Give Yourself Permission Not to Be “On” All the Time

Before entering a gathering, and again when you notice yourself over-extending, try saying:

“I am not responsible for managing everyone’s emotions. I’m allowed to participate without performing.”

Then actively step back. This might look like:

• physically leaning back in your chair

• giving your eyes a break from eye contact

• looking out of a window

• taking a quick breather in the bathroom or stepping outside

• letting others lead the conversation for a while

You can still be present without taking on the emotional responsibility of hosting the entire room.

5. Choose Your Energy Spend Intentionally

Our energy is a limited resource. When you add anxiety and people-pleasing to the mix, your energy is already discounted.

Try this mini-rule:

One thing you want to do, one thing you need to do, and one thing you’re allowed to skip.

This stops the festive season becoming a marathon of obligations.

If Christmas anxiety or people-pleasing feels difficult to manage, counselling can support you in understanding these patterns and setting boundaries that feel safe and sustainable.

You’re welcome to reach out if you’d like to explore counselling support this Christmas.

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Please note I am not an emergency service. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or at risk, see services below:

SAMARITIANS: 116 123

Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 for 24/7 confidential support in the UK

Call 999 or contact your local GP/services

So you’re thinking about starting sessions but don’t know what to expect?

I understand how nerve-wracking the first session can be, so I thought I’d break it down for you – here’s what to expect if you choose to have a first session with me, Grace Parker, Counsellor in Haslemere, Guildford, Surrey and Online.

First Contact

So let’s say after having a read about me – you decide. “Yeah.. she might be right for me.”

1. You click contact me and you’ll be taken to my contact page where you fill in your contact details and an option to give some description of what you’d like help with.
2. Within 24 hrs, I’ll be in contact to arrange our first session, once we’ve confirmed a day and time I’ll also send over our contract – some clients prefer to fill it in beforehand, others prefer to keep it blank and do it with me in the first session, whatever works best for you.
3. You First Free Session begins.

 

1. What if I feel nervous?

If you’re feeling nervous on the day, know that, that is okay.  I’m not expecting you to be the “perfect client” (whatever that means!) you can come as a ball of nerves, flood-gates opening or a little bit guarded – however you are, is completely okay with me.

If we’re online or in person, I’ll greet you with a smile.

If we’re in person I don’t naturally shake hands, but I’m happy to do so if you would prefer. I’ll then show you to our room where you can take your time deciding between two chairs. We’ll have 50 minutes together.

2. What is a Counselling contract?

Once we’re settled, we’ll go through contracting. Even if we only have one session, contracting gives us both an idea on what to expect – should you decide not to continue, I’ll destroy our contract.

As I say, contracting is nothing to worry over – it’s just a bit of paper that clearly gives an overview on what we can both expect from each other during our work together. (You can read more specifically about my contract in this blog here, and it has a magical twist.)

I do my best to make our contract as natural as possible, so you might find as we talk I’m writing bits down and it’s all done in the end with only your signature needed if you haven’t filled it in beforehand. The contract covers your goals in therapy, confidentiality, payments and who I can contact in case of an emergency and more. Should you have any questions at any point you are very welcome to ask, and I’d be happy to answer you.

The contract also helps me understand where you are emotionally right now. I’ll ask directly if you are self-harming or having suicidal thoughts and we might go through a safety plan and a risk assessment if that’s needed. This isn’t scary and you won’t be “in trouble” for being honest – it’s just a few practical things to refer to in moments of distress. If you’re under 16 or if I believe your life is in immediate risk, I have a duty of care to inform your GP. Sessions can continue with these in place.  If you have any questions on this, please do ask.

3. Will I need to talk about my trauma?

I would not expect you to jump strait in to your trauma. I expect your trauma feels difficult to bare, let alone share with someone else. Trust takes time to build, and I am willing to take that time with you. There is no rush or expectations, we start where it feels comfortable for you.

At the same time, it’s not uncommon for clients to jump strait in: maybe after years of holding it all in you find yourself bursting open – that’s okay too. In that case I would look to gently ground you so you feel able to decide if you truly want to start where you have, or if you actually taking your time feels better and fear momentarily took your driving seat.  We’d ground by doing some quick breathing exercises and other creative techniques.

However you show up: you don’t need to be prepared or express yourself perfectly – just come as you are and we’ll find the way together.

If you’re unsure on where to start, I’ll ask some gentle questions about how life is for you right now and how your concerns are affecting you.

This is your time to talk about what matters to you, and it’s also a chance to see what I’m like as a Counsellor. You’ll see how I reflect, listen and try to understand and be with you in what you feel. You’ll start to get a sense of whether I’m the right Counsellor for you – someone you feel you can trust to join you on this journey.

Sessions are 50 minutes. I’ll give you a gentle reminder as we come to the last 10 minutes. When our session ends I’ll thank you for meeting with me, and hold the door open for you and say goodbye. 🙂

4. The First Session Ends – what’s next?

I don’t ever ask if you want to continue with sessions in the first session – so there’s no pressure at all. Instead, I’ll thank you for meeting with me and say I’ll drop an email within 2 days time to check in to see if you’d still be interested in continuing.

The best part about your first session being free is that if you feel I’m not the right fit, you leave with a clearer sense of what you’re looking for – with no loss. I understand wanting to dip your toes in before committing, so I’m happy for our first session to be free. If by chance, I feel you can be better supported elsewhere I’ll share this with you and give who I recommend.

If we both decide we’re a good fit – either in the session or by email afterwards – I’ll be looking forward to working with you. We’ll agree a regular day and time when we see each other that works for you and away we go.

Questions are always welcome and safe to explore at any point. See below some common FAQs to see if your question is listed, or get in touch today to have your question answered.

And if you decide you’d like a first session, I’ll look forward to it, whenever it feels right for you.

Common FAQ’s on First Counselling / Therapy Session:

• “Do I have to share everything in my first session?”
• – No not at all – you share what feels okay enough for you. It’s our first session, we have time to explore. I focus on you feeling comfortable with me first, so you have that safety net should things feel difficult at times, so you know – we’re in this together.
• “Can I cry in therapy?”
• Absolutely you can cry. Sometimes we don’t know how much we’ve been holding until we feel safe – sometimes those tears can be a surprise or feel uncomfortable to share with someone else, I want you to know you don’t have to worry about me as I welcome them, every time.
• “What if I don’t know what to say?”
• That is completely understandable and not uncommon, I want you to know you don’t have to panic. I can take the lead if you would prefer me to, and ask some questions. Sometimes you might have an answer, other times maybe not – both are okay. I can be with you in the confusion, and together we can find the answers that make sense for you.
• “How do I know if a therapist is right for me?”
• Great question. Well – there’s the logistic stuff – are they contracting with you? Do they have the right credentials? And can you both see each other on days/times that work for you? Lastly, do they work in a way that suits you? – a strict, CBT therapist in comparison to a warm, Intergrative therapist for example work very differently from each other. Are you looking for strong direction and accountability? Or are you looking for someone to metaphorically, hold your hand and walk with you in the journey? (I’m more the latter!) Personality wise too – is this someone I feel comfortable with? If yes – that’s half the question answered.

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Please note I am not an emergency service. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or at risk, see services below:

SAMARITIANS: 116 123

Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 for 24/7 confidential support in the UK

Call 999 or contact your local GP/services