Feeling deeply can feel like such a curse sometimes.
For those who don’t get it, they might tell you to “shrug it off” or “just stop taking things so personally” – but we know it’s not that simple.
Let me guess – someone makes a passing comment or gives you an “odd” look, and any of these might follow:
Your stomach feels like it’s been punched
Your face flushes red
Your heart starts pounding
Your mind either goes blank or floods with thoughts
You might tear up
Your voice disappears or goes high-pitched
Your body stiffens or becomes fidgety
And then people notice, and that sinking feeling sets in: “They’re judging me.” “They think I’m weird.” “They don’t understand me.” “Why can’t I just be normal?”
Even though you’d love to disappear on the spot, it feels like your reactions take over, dragging you centre stage – which only makes you feel worse.
Then comes the self-talk. The mental replay. The inability to let it go.
Sound familiar?
I promise there’s nothing wrong with you.
There are ways to manage these feelings (without ‘toughening up’), so you can start to feel more in control in the moment and more at peace with yourself.
Why We Take Things So Personally
It’s not because you’re too sensitive – really.
You’re not overreacting or being dramatic – there’s usually a very good reason this kind of thing hits so hard.
If you grew up around a lot of criticism, you probably learnt to listen out for the negative: reading between the lines of people’s expressions, body language, tone of voice… all while assuming the worst. Why? Because if you could just catch what was “wrong” quickly, maybe you had a better chance of fixing it – bypassing the rejection or conflict.
Maybe you learnt that being liked meant being perfect? That making a mistake led to someone pulling away? Maybe it was always down to you to repair things.
So now, even a passing comment or a funny look presses the same internal alarm: you’ve done something wrong, even when you haven’t.
Add low self-esteem into the mix and things feel even more intense.
When we doubt our worth, it’s easy to take every uncomfortable interaction as proof we’re not good enough.
But taking things personally often comes from caring deeply — not from being “too much.” Maybe, once, you had to shrink yourself to keep the peace. But you don’t have to do that anymore.
So, What Can You Try Instead?
Pause and Check In With Yourself
Being with your feelings, rather than pushing them down, helps them move through more easily:
What emotion just came up? Try naming it – give it a title, a texture, even a colour.
What did I just assume?
Reality Check (vs. Story Check)
Ask yourself:
Is this fact or Anxiety talking?
What else could be true here?
Am I emotional filtering or mind-reading right now? (More on that in my other blogs.)
Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Blame
If you notice yourself slipping into self-blame, say: “I’m noticing I really want to talk badly to myself right now.” The word noticing helps create distance between you and the thought.
Speak to yourself like you would a friend – gently and kindly.
Try this: “It makes sense that hurt – but I can let it go, because it’s probably not about me.”
Is This Actually About Them — Not You?
Not everyone’s reaction is a reflects who you are, or what you’ve done.
This one’s tough, I know. I write more about it in depth [here].
People have complicated lives, just like you. Sometimes, their big feelings bleed into places they don’t mean to – and you might get caught in the splash.
You can’t control someone else’s emotional regulation (no matter how much you might want to), but you can control how you respond.
Try using go-to phrases to say to yourself in triggering moments, like:
“Other people’s moods, defensiveness or tone are often about their own stuff – not me.”
“I am not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.”
“If I’ve upset someone, it’s their job to tell me.”
Let others be responsible for their own feelings. It’s not your burden to carry.
A Note for Sensitive Souls
If you feel things deeply, it’s not a weakness – it’s part of what makes you kind, thoughtful, and intuitive.
I’m sure there are people in your life who appreciate those parts of you – you can appreciate them too. You don’t have to ‘harden up’ or carry the weight of everyone else’s feelings to protect yourself.
You deserve to feel lighter in your day-to-day life, and to recognise how much goodness your sensitivity brings.
Closing & Gentle Next Step
Next time you notice yourself taking something personally, pause and ask: “Is this really about me?”
And if this feels like a lot to hold on your own – I support sensitive clients just like you to find balance, strength, and self-trust in everyday life, so taking things personally can become a thing of the past. If you’re ready for deeper support, I’d love to help – feel free to reach out or explore the rest of my blogs where I share tips on sensitive living.
Lastly – from one sensitive bean to another – we’ve got this.
If you’ve ever typed that sentence and felt a sinking feeling in your stomach, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too.
Whether you’re Neurodivergent (living with ADHD, autism, or both), juggling mental health challenges, or simply trying to survive the everyday chaos of life, delayed replies can feel like relationship sabotage. You hit “send,” but the guilt lingers. Will they think I don’t care? Did I just ruin this friendship? Am I a bad friend?
The pressure to always be available is a modern stressor many of us are quietly suffering under. With smartphones in our pockets and messaging apps pinging 24/7, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing your friends if you don’t reply immediately. And for people with ADHD or autism, executive dysfunction, emotional overwhelm, and social fatigue can make consistent communication even harder.
Why Late Replies Feel So Personal (But Often Aren’t)
We live in an era of “instant everything.” The rise of social media and messaging has blurred the boundaries between personal time and social obligation. The expectation to be “always on” – responsive, available, and thoughtful – is heavy, especially if you’re already managing sensory overload, emotional burnout, or simply trying to make it through the day.
Phrases like “If they wanted to, they would” or “People make time for what matters” might sound wise, but they can be incredibly painful for people with good intentions and limited capacity. Sometimes, not replying doesn’t mean you don’t care – it just means you’re at capacity.
The Invisible Load of Neurodivergence and Social Communication
For many autistic and ADHD adults, maintaining friendships isn’t about love or loyalty – it’s about energy. Responding to a message can require more mental effort than others realize. There’s decision fatigue, fear of saying the wrong thing, or simply forgetting in the whirlwind of daily tasks. And when you finally remember, shame can creep in and delay the response even more.
You’re not ghosting. You’re not ignoring anyone. You’re just overwhelmed.
Real Friendship Isn’t Measured in Message Times
The truth is: strong friendships aren’t built on fast replies. They’re built on understanding, empathy, and mutual respect. Some of the best friendships are the ones where weeks or even months can pass, but the connection remains strong. Where catching up feels easy, not filled with guilt or explanations.
It’s okay to need time. It’s okay to be human.
What helps is honest communication. Letting friends know: “I care about you. I might not always reply quickly, but I’m always thinking of you.” Sometimes, setting clear boundaries (like, “I prefer meeting up rather than texting”) can help you maintain connection on your own terms.
When You Feel Hurt by Silence – Or When You Cause It
If you’re on the other side – feeling ignored or hurt by a delayed message – your feelings are valid too. Silence can sting, especially when we interpret it as rejection. But remember: most delays aren’t personal. They’re circumstantial.
The need to feel valued is universal. And sometimes, both people in the conversation just want reassurance that the bond still matters – even if messages are few and far between.
Friendship in the Digital Age Requires Compassion
If technology has made us more connected than ever, it’s also made us more anxious. The expectation to always show up – immediately, thoughtfully, perfectly – isn’t realistic. Especially if you’re neurodivergent, overwhelmed, or struggling.
So let’s create space for slow friendships. For friendships that bend, not break. For messages that come late, but still come from the heart.
You’re not a bad friend – you’re just a person with a full plate and a full heart.
Need Support Navigating Friendships or Neurodivergent Communication?
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to repair or maintain your relationships – especially if you’re living with ADHD or autism – therapy can help. Together, we can explore how to create stronger, more sustainable connections without burning out.
In the beginning, I hovered over my plants impatiently. Working hard to create the perfect, beautiful garden I had dreamt of.
Then it happened – the first plant began to die.
I felt as though my chest was about to cave in with the pain of getting it wrong. The feeling growing louder and more vicious when those around me would see it too.
For some – this feels like an extreme reaction. For fellow perfectionists, you have an idea of the discomfort I mean, don’t you?
This is because perfectionism ties our own self-worth to how “perfect” our lives appear. Maybe you can’t leave the house without makeup, or you don’t share responsibilities at work because you believe no one else will do things the “right” way. In my case, my thoughts could be roughly translated as:
“My plant has died > I’m a useless gardener > I am useless”
Perfectionism often comes from childhood praise for doing well and harsh criticism, neglect, or abuse when things went wrong. When mistakes happen, especially in front of others, it can feel overwhelmingly shameful – so we force ourselves to appear perfect always.
A swan floating gently down the river but paddling madly underneath.
When my plant died, I tried desperately to fix it, but the more I tried, the worse it got. I eventually stopped visiting my garden, avoiding the failure. When I returned however, I saw new growth.
Nature had flourished in the space I gave it by stepping back and letting go. So, I decided to only tend to my plants once a week. Over time, they began to bloom in gratitude.
I saw first hand what could happen when I stopped trying to control the outcome, so now when a plant is unhappy, I simply ask, “What can I do?” and do what I can and then let go, trusting that nature will take its course – whether that means the plant dies or grows stronger. There is now an acceptance of either outcome.
Sometimes, a dead tree becomes a home for wildlife, and dead leaves nourish new growth. Life works like that too – when something ends, new things grow in its place. With that in mind, failures are starting to feel less heavy for me. Understanding that they’re not only acceptable, but also essential nourishment for what can come after.
So now when a plant dies in my garden, instead of being riddled with anxiety and grief – I just accept it for what it is – I even get excited for the space, knowing I can now grow something new.
I’ve taken this lesson in my everyday life – when a project fails, when a friendship ends, or when I feel in pain – a mantra now whispers: “I wonder what will now grow from this space that has been made?”
If you struggle with perfectionism, working with a counsellor can help you find peace and ease in life. I understand how difficult it can be and would love to help. Reach out today for a session.
You know what is good for you: going for walks, eating right, seeing friends but what happens when you reach 0% and self-care itself feels like a chore?
A hand reaches out of the dark ocean of depression asking for help
As someone who has struggled with depression, I know when these days come after a few good days, weeks even months we can feel like a complete failure. All the progress we made before feels like it has just been erased. We are sat opposite our medicine and cannot understand why our mind or body won’t let us reach out and do the things that can help us feel better.
The confusion can become self-hatred, as we feel out of control, stupid, maybe even selfish. With those around us maybe also feeling impatient – to both them, and ourselves, it feels like we’re not even trying.
When you’re already facing what feels like the impossible, the hand that reaches out to help, should be a hand we can hold even with a weak grip. There is so much “self-care” out there which is just simply not attainable for depressed people to partake in, to that I say – enough. Today I will list some bite size self-care techniques, so you’re able to show up for yourself even on your worst days.
1. Compassion, Acceptance and Curiosity
The biggest hurdle but nothing else below can be done without this step. This is when you are faced with the realisation that you are no longer “in control” (or at least it feels like it). When you know that this day is not going to go how you would like. Usually, our next thoughts are all the tasks we need to do, the people we need to show up for… a mountain starts to grow in front of you.
Stop. Take a breath. Take 3, take 8. Take as many as you need. You can do this through a guided meditation or on your own. Calming your nervous system is important – like filling your car with petrol, you won’t move without it.
Once you find yourself still and somewhat steady – picture your mind or your child self in front of you. Whichever one is more comfortable for you. With children – we see them act out all the time. We can feel frustrated with them, but we understand it’s because they are overwhelmed, overstimulated or not feeling heard – as adults, we now have the power to listen and give ourselves what we need.
That is a huge part of what depression is – your mind and body demanding your attention. So, let’s give it attention! Either say to yourself verbally or mentally, even if in the beginning you don’t believe the words: “I’m sorry, I’m here now. What is it you need? Let’s work together.” And repeat this to yourself throughout the day whenever you feel resistance to a task or feel tempted to give in to negative self-talk.
Overtime, as you ask this question more often, you’ll develop a listening ear to hear what you need. You’ll hear things like: “I need water. I need movement. I need to play” and as you develop trust with your mind and body when you provide it with with what it asks – it will be more responsive to you and depressive episodes will happen less often.
All because instead of greeting it with judgement (which only makes it dig its heels in), you open your arms with compassion, acceptance, and curiosity.
2. Fresh Air
Note I’ve said Fresh Air – not a walk. Because this is again, a list for your impossibly down days. A walk is something to strive for, but if this isn’t possible for you – simply open your window and rest next to it. Taking purposeful breaths, feeling the wind on your skin, looking at the view outside – even if it’s more brick and cement. Let your eyes wander and be curious.
Check in with yourself, can you do a bit more? Think of it like a video game with saving points – the next point is your room’s door. Reached that? Great. The next maybe is your front door. There? Fab! Maybe here you feel resistance again – that’s okay. Breathe in compassion again. Maybe today it’s just your front door, but tomorrow you could go as far as your front garden? The day after the entrance to the park, then the next day your garden again – there is no set order. But as long as you’re having that conversation with yourself and feel fresh air – you are doing the work.
3. Nourishing Food
I admit this one requires a little bit of homework during your better days – food when you’re feeling down can be a very daunting task. It requires mental energy to plan what you’re eating that week, plus budgeting, diets, if you’re cooking for other people – it’s a lot! So, to look after yourself on your worst days – have the homework already laid out for you to follow, to take away the mental strain.
If you’re comfortable; talk to friends, family or even your counsellor about creating a meal plan together. This is called “body-doubling” and it’s amazing what having another person’s energy with you can do.
Create a simple meal plan (including vitamins and supplements) for the week, with staples that you’ll almost always have around the house that require minimal preparation. Be realistic – there may be days where you’re the next Gordon Ramsey, but there will certainly be days where you’ll be tempted to choose convenience over quality – so let’s make it convenient. Dark leafy greens, fish, eggs, nuts, dark chocolate are some great examples of foods that help promote feel-good hormones.
4. Connection and Community
Despite what your anxiety and depression may tell you, we are social creatures at the end of the day. We crave connection with other humans, and if we find ourselves lacking in this area it can be very impactful on our mental health. The worst thing is that when we are down – we feel this need to retreat and be further alone.
If you think of your mind telling you: “I am scared of what people may think of me, what if they judge me or I make a fool of myself or they see I’m struggling.” When you give in and stay home – you have proved your mind right; that all it’s worst fears are the reality. Which is why its so important to keep your foot on the pedal with your connections to prove it wrong.
Seeing friends doesn’t have to be a big thing – offer them to come to yours for coffee, maybe do a movie night, or go out to the cinema or a meal if that feels possible for you. You can even facetime and talk that way. Hopefully, you’ll get to a point where you can explain your fears so your friends are aware and can check in on you too.
In terms of meeting new connections – think purposefully on what type of person you’d like to be friends with – are they arty? Sporty? A Gamer? Then think about where you would meet people like this – online forums can be a great place to meet people so long as you using it safely.
For the days when you are braver, plan to go to places they’re likely to be – art students go to museums to draw, you can join a sports team or join a multiplayer-verse online game. You can even volunteer for causes you care about and meet people that way. This may be impossible today, but you can make a plan for when you’re ready to try. Your friends are out there, and they cannot wait to meet you!
5. Movement
We all know how important exercise is – but with depression, it can feel like your body is in cement and any type of movement is either impossible or feels painful. Social media doesn’t help as it is particularly bad with selling the pro-gym high-intensity life-style – which is great, but we forget there are many types of exercise out there. If the gym isn’t for you – you have other options.
Find one that either creates a sense of mindfulness or enjoyment for you so you’re more likely to keep going with it – it could be yoga, running, swimming, rock-climbing, or dancing as some examples.
If you’re being honest and know you’re not likely to turn up to work-out classes by relying on your own self-determination – tie it in with seeing a friend. So, you feel more obliged to turn up for them. YouTube is also a great place for online workout routines to follow at home as well.
When you’re really feeling that resistance – put your headphones on and listen to some of your favourite high energy songs. Soon you’ll find yourself up and moving – I like to tie my movement in with my chores – two birds one stone. So, I’m dancing to Ariana Grande whilst running from one room to the next with the hoover!
6. Play
Finally, play – almost always you will be faced with a negative, criticising voice in your head that says to you you should be doing work or tending to your other responsibilities and not playing or relaxing. It brings resistance, insecurity, even anxiety about the prospect of even starting something fun in case you get it wrong.
The reality of it all is – we are born on this earth to experience life. Part of experiencing life is having fun – you are allowed to have fun, in fact, you need it to survive. When we only do our responsibilities and leave no time or energy to feed our wonder, curiosity, and joy – naturally our body rebels in frustration, screaming: “If you won’t let me have fun then we won’t work either!” Everything suffers. So please, reframe your thinking of fun from pointless or a waste of time, to productive and part of the oil that keeps everything moving.
Give yourself time, whether that’s 5 minutes in the beginning or 15 or an hour, which you properly name as “Play Time” – where you purposefully do something fun. Maybe you have a book idea you’ve been sitting on, or maybe you want to give gardening a go or knitting, painting or even colouring. A creative outlet where you are present with yourself, seeing something be born from your creativity can bring so much joy.
Note – I haven’t included books or TV – as that is passive escapism. There is a space for these too, but hobbies in which you play more of a direct part in its creation have been proven to have more of an positive impact on our mental health.
Summary
To summarise: listen to your body, be kind, get fresh air, eat well, see friends, and play. If you can do a few of these things during your down days, you’ll most likely feel some kind of change, even if it’s just a whisper. A whisper can turn into a song, if repeated enough times. I believe in you and thank you for being with me and reaching the end. If you suffer with depression and/or anxiety and feel in need of a Counsellor to help support you, contact me today – let’s make the impossible, possible.
